~"There are certain situations in which silence wouldn't help. You have to speak up to get the answers you want or else you'll be left with a regret of a lifetime."~
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I was in tears. I was literally choking.
Why all this? Why me?
Dad came near me to pick me up. His very touch on my shoulder which was once my biggest support now felt like a huge burden.
"Don't dad, please." I was literally screaming.
He backed off. After a while, I wiped down my tears, picked up my bag and went to my room. I locked the door and threw myself up on the bed. My phone was showing miss calls from Viyaan and Athira. I felt like smashing my head on the walls. Why? What was my fault? Everything felt like a huge curse. I held my pillow tightly and sobbed like a little kid.
Mom and Dad came, knocked at my door but I didn't respond at all. My parents might have been worried.
My parents, I can't even call them parents as a whole now. Some days back I was planning for my birthday and now I feel as if all the sorrow in the world has decided to reside inside me.
I didn't feel like talking to anyone. Sobbing and cursing life, I didn't realise when I fell asleep. The next morning I woke up with a heavy head. I went downstairs and saw Dadi sitting on the sofa. I went and hugged her tight. She kissed my forehead and I felt a sense of security. She told that Mom and Dad were in the office and were supposed to come in during lunch. She made me eat a bit. I was quite reluctant but she made me eat by her own hands. I rested my head in her lap and she moved her hand through my hair. I felt a bit better.
Mom and dad were back. They knew I needed an answer. So before I said anything, mom came near me and said, "You would hate us, we know. But this is our own decision. None of us has forced it on the other. The growing disparities between us can't allow us to stay together anymore. I know we've hurt you a lot but if we stay together we'd hurt each other beyond limits. I hope you understand our position."
I gave her a grave look. Dad came forward and said, "We've divided the business and the property too. But you are our child, we can't force you to stay with one of us. We can't ask you to choose. For you, we'd be your parents but separately, we aren't husband and wife anymore. We tried, we did. But it's of no use. The understanding between us has died and staying together would literally mean breaking each other's neck someday."
How easy it was for them to come and tell me all this. Didn't they see the pain in my eyes? Didn't they see my tears? I was in deep shock. I had no words.
I finally mustered up all the courage and said, "So is it final? Is it what you both want? Don't you wanna think about it ?"
"We've given it enough thought and this is what we seek now. This is the best we can look upto." These words of mom felt like an obnoxious curse.
"Do you realise I won't be able to look upto both of you and call us a family anymore? I used to saw my life was a blessing. Shit. It's a curse. A deep pain. It's like someone has stabbed me. My life feels like a lie. I love you both, you are my parents. I can't hate you, no matter what. But I'm sorry, I don't respect this decision of yours."
Tears were making their way down my cheeks. The happy-go-lucky girl who once thanked God for her wonderful life, now wished that it was a dreadful nightmare. And she'd wake up soon to find everything right in place. That girl was me. And that was actually happening. My life was breaking down into pieces right in front of me and I was helpless.
During evening, I went to a lake nearby. They say life is a continuous process. You have to move on. But this? This was beyong cure. After a while, I called up Viyaan. I cried my heart out to him. I felt as if my happiness was snatched and I was enslaved to the dark enormous chambers of seclusion. Talking to him didn't help either. I'm glad he understood it and didn't force me to fake a smile.
Happiness felt like an emotion which was now a distant relative. Sadness and hollowness now sounded like home. My thoughts couldn't find ease. How can they do this? I failed at being a good daughter. I couldn't hold my family. I couldn't hold them back. Every bit of me wanted to go back to the time we were a happy little family. But time was a slut. It took its revenge on me. My happiness was replaced by a never ending, uncanny sorrow.
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