~"There are times in your life when you need the ones who
love you but somehow you push them away. Your agony and pain
tends to isolate you from the world."~
__________________________
I felt like running away. I thought it might get better but
every freaking day I woke up with the realisation that my
family fell apart. After three days, I decided to get back to
college. The atmosphere back home was suffocating and if I
stayed there any longer, it would have probably suffocated me
to death.
I travelled by car to Delhi. It was a long journey. In
another five hours or so I was back in Delhi. During the
journey I felt like laughing out over my life. One moment, it
was all perfect and now BAM! It's all gone. All that is left
is the dark memories. I felt like being a little kid again
who would cry out loud and get her wishes fulfilled by her
parents. Life was so good back then. Such complexities didn't
exist.
I entered the hostel and went straight to my room. I looked
like a wreck, but I didn't care. I went and hugged Athira and
sobbed for an hour. She understood it and didn't say a word.
She knew it won't help. Actually nobody could have helped, I
had to do it myself.
The next day, just to make me feel better Viyaan and Athira
took me out for lunch. But my mind was stuck back there. I
could hardly keep up with what they both were talking. This
thing was getting on my nerves. I felt like screaming out
loud. I don't want a life like this. I was controlling my
tears somehow which just needed a medium to come out.
After a while Viyaan offered to walk with me. We were walking down the road. It was a hot afternoon, sweat beads were trickling down our faces but it wasn't bothering me one bit. The scorching heat was nothing as compared to the raging storm of emotions inside me.
Viyaan could easily sense the level of discomfort in our silence. He put a hand around my shoulder and said, "It wasn't your fault, okay? I know it hurts and you're disturbed. But don't punish yourself this way. It'll take time but you'll get better. You have me and Athira with you. And I'm sure individually your parents are there to support you. They aren't abandoning you. You need to be strong. They took this decision, so baby you need to respect that somehow. Maybe it's for the best. Try to understand.
My thoughts were at ease when he said those words. I nodded and gave him a hug. I'm glad someone was understanding me and supporting me and not just forcing their decision upon me. Maybe he was right, maybe it was for the best, but still, why? And the darkness took over again.
It was my birthday after two days. I didn't feel like doing anything. The girl who went crazy shopping for her birthday now didn't even want to cut a cake. Birthday presents were something I was fearing right now. I wish i get the present of happiness instead of the worldly things but I was wishing for something which couldn't be true. But that's how we are. Our stupid heart only tends to wish for the things which are far away from our reach.
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