The Guide [Part-4]

~"There are times in your life when you need the ones who love you but somehow you push them away. Your agony and pain tends to isolate you from the world."~

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I felt like running away. I thought it might get better but every freaking day I woke up with the realisation that my family fell apart. After three days, I decided to get back to college. The atmosphere back home was suffocating and if I stayed there any longer, it would have probably suffocated me to death. 

I travelled by car to Delhi. It was a long journey. In another five hours or so I was back in Delhi. During the journey I felt like laughing out over my life. One moment, it was all perfect and now BAM! It's all gone. All that is left is the dark memories. I felt like being a little kid again who would cry out loud and get her wishes fulfilled by her parents. Life was so good back then. Such complexities didn't exist. 

I entered the hostel and went straight to my room. I looked like a wreck, but I didn't care. I went and hugged Athira and sobbed for an hour. She understood it and didn't say a word. She knew it won't help. Actually nobody could have helped, I had to do it myself. 

The next day, just to make me feel better Viyaan and Athira took me out for lunch. But my mind was stuck back there. I could hardly keep up with what they both were talking. This thing was getting on my nerves. I felt like screaming out loud. I don't want a life like this. I was controlling my tears somehow which just needed a medium to come out. 

After a while Viyaan offered to walk with me. We were walking down the road. It was a hot afternoon, sweat beads were trickling down our faces but it wasn't bothering me one bit. The scorching heat was nothing as compared to the raging storm of emotions inside me. 

Viyaan could easily sense the level of discomfort in our silence. He put a hand around my shoulder and said, "It wasn't your fault, okay? I know it hurts and you're disturbed. But don't punish yourself this way. It'll take time but you'll get better. You have me and Athira with you. And I'm sure individually your parents are there to support you. They aren't abandoning you. You need to be strong. They took this decision, so baby you need to respect that somehow. Maybe it's for the best. Try to understand.

My thoughts were at ease when he said those words. I nodded and gave him a hug. I'm glad someone was understanding me and supporting me and not just forcing their decision upon me. Maybe he was right, maybe it was for the best, but still, why? And the darkness took over again. 

It was my birthday after two days. I didn't feel like doing anything. The girl who went crazy shopping for her birthday now didn't even want to cut a cake. Birthday presents were something I was fearing right now. I wish i get the present of happiness instead of the worldly things but I was wishing for something which couldn't be true. But that's how we are. Our stupid heart only tends to wish for the things which are far away from our reach. 

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The Guide [Part-3]

~"There are certain situations in which silence wouldn't help. You have to speak up to get the answers you want or else you'll be left with a regret of a lifetime."~

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I was in tears. I was literally choking.

Why all this? Why me?

Dad came near me to pick me up. His very touch on my shoulder which was once my biggest support now felt like a huge burden.

"Don't dad, please." I was literally screaming.

He backed off. After a while, I wiped down my tears, picked up my bag and went to my room. I locked the door and threw myself up on the bed. My phone was showing miss calls from Viyaan and Athira. I felt like smashing my head on the walls. Why? What was my fault? Everything felt like a huge curse. I held my pillow tightly and sobbed like a little kid.

Mom and Dad came, knocked at my door but I didn't respond at all. My parents might have been worried.

My parents, I can't even call them parents as a whole now. Some days back I was planning for my birthday and now I feel as if all the sorrow in the world has decided to reside inside me.

I didn't feel like talking to anyone. Sobbing and cursing life, I didn't realise when I fell asleep. The next morning I woke up with a heavy head. I went downstairs and saw Dadi sitting on the sofa. I went and hugged her tight. She kissed my forehead and I felt a sense of security. She told that Mom and Dad were in the office and were supposed to come in during lunch. She made me eat a bit. I was quite reluctant but she made me eat by her own hands. I rested my head in her lap and she moved her hand through my hair. I felt a bit better.

Mom and dad were back. They knew I needed an answer. So before I said anything, mom came near me and said, "You would hate us, we know. But this is our own decision. None of us has forced it on the other. The growing disparities between us can't allow us to stay together anymore. I know we've hurt you a lot but if we stay together we'd hurt each other beyond limits. I hope you understand our position."

I gave her a grave look. Dad came forward and said, "We've divided the business and the property too. But you are our child, we can't force you to stay with one of us. We can't ask you to choose. For you, we'd be your parents but separately, we aren't husband and wife anymore. We tried, we did. But it's of no use. The understanding between us has died and staying together would literally mean breaking each other's neck someday."

How easy it was for them to come and tell me all this. Didn't they see the pain in my eyes? Didn't they see my tears? I was in deep shock. I had no words.

I finally mustered up all the courage and said, "So is it final? Is it what you both want? Don't you wanna think about it ?"

"We've given it enough thought and this is what we seek now. This is the best we can look upto." These words of mom felt like an obnoxious curse.

"Do you realise I won't be able to look upto both of you and call us a family anymore? I used to saw my life was a blessing. Shit. It's a curse. A deep pain. It's like someone has stabbed me. My life feels like a lie. I love you both, you are my parents. I can't hate you, no matter what. But I'm sorry, I don't respect this decision of yours."

Tears were making their way down my cheeks. The happy-go-lucky girl who once thanked God for her wonderful life, now wished that it was a dreadful nightmare. And she'd wake up soon to find everything right in place. That girl was me. And that was actually happening. My life was breaking down into pieces right in front of me and I was helpless.

During evening, I went to a lake nearby. They say life is a continuous process. You have to move on. But this? This was beyong cure. After a while, I called up Viyaan. I cried my heart out to him. I felt as if my happiness was snatched and I was enslaved to the dark enormous chambers of seclusion. Talking to him didn't help either. I'm glad he understood it and didn't force me to fake a smile.

Happiness felt like an emotion which was now a distant relative. Sadness and hollowness now sounded like home. My thoughts couldn't find ease. How can they do this? I failed at being a good daughter. I couldn't hold my family. I couldn't hold them back. Every bit of me wanted to go back to the time we were a happy little family. But time was a slut. It took its revenge on me. My happiness was replaced by a never ending, uncanny sorrow.

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The Guide [Part-2]

~"Sometimes the decisions made by the ones we love tend to tear us apart and we are left broken. The damage, no matter what, cannot be reversed."~

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I called up mom when I was a bit free. I was really happy because I was looking for a long conversation with her ahead. We started talking but I could sense, she wasn't her usual self.

"Mom? Is everything alright?", I asked her out of concern.

"Mannat, you need to come here. We'll explain everything to you once you're here. But baby, come here tomorrow itself." There was something in her voice which was making me feel that something was pinching her.

The very next moment I hung up and called up dad. I wanted to know what was happening. And I got the same blank answer from him. He told me that he booked tomorrow morning's flight tickets. I insisted on travelling by road. But dad was firm on his words. He wanted me back in Ajmer, as soon as possible.
There was something in the way both of them sounded. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

I told Athira about it. She assured me that everything would be fine. They might have been missing me and might just want to have me around. But something was strange. The girl inside me knew that something devastating had happened. I talked about it to Viyaan. Even he couldn't calm down the ocean of worries inside me. Something was freaking upside down and I wanted to know what it was. I was constantly asking mom and dad but it was of no help. I gave up and thought to wait for a while.

The next morning Viyaan accompanied me to the airport. He could sense the uncanny sadness I was hiding. I could see that he wanted to say so much, but inside, even he knew that it's gonna be of no use until I get to know what the matter is. So he gave me all his support just by holding my hand tightly.

When I was about to leave, he hugged me tight and said, "Reach home and call me. Everything is gonna be fine. Be strong baby. Please?"

I hugged him tight. His warm embrace was somehow the solace for my sadness. I said, "I love you. Take care."

"I love you baby. Just make sure to call me whenever you feel like. I'll be there. Take care of yourself, my strong girl." And he kissed my forehead.

I bid him goodbye.

That one hour flight felt something like a decade to me. I couldn't wait to get back home. I landed at Jaipur airport and the car was waiting for me to take me back home, to Ajmer. Those three hours were morbidly horrifying. I sent a text to Viyaan that I reached Jaipur. He respected my decision to be on my own for a while. Solidarity can be beautiful in an unsual way.

I reached home after three hours. My home was looking just like a palatial bungalow. The very feeling of calling it as *Home* had made out its way from my heart.
I entered inside and I was greeted by Meenal Tai, our housemaid. She was more like a family member to us. The very silence of that huge house was indicating the arrival of the storm.

In a while, mom, dad and dadi appeared. My mom, looking like a young lady in her forties wore a blank expression. And dad, his face was reflecting remorse and sadness. Dadi came and hugged me tight.

This unusual silence was killing me.

I broke the silence and said, "Would someone tell me what happened?"

"Why dont you rest for a while beta? Aren't you tired?", asked mom.

"I'm not, mom. Just break the silence. Would you?" I demanded an answer.

Dad spoke up, "Uh...umm, listen beta, we are getting divorced."

And my world was shattered when I heard his words.
"Are you fucking kidding me, dad? Stop joking, would you?" I was looking here and there for answers.

"No, he isn't. We are getting divorced." Mum said those words firmly.

Their words were enough to shatter every bit of me. I fell down on my knees with tears in my eyes. The world around me felt like a mighty stranger mocking at me, laughing on me. All my happiness seemed to have shattered like tiny pieces of glass.

The Guide [Part-1]

~"Young aged years are probably the most beautiful and devastating part of one's life. It's the time when you meet that one person you want forever and somehow you give them the complete authority to crush your soul"~
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"Leave me alone. I don't want to wake up. I'll prefer bunking college today. Go away. Let me sleep", I said to Athira who was trying to wake me up since the last twenty minutes.
"Wake up idiot. Viyaan is waiting for you. He has been calling constantly. Wake up you lazy ass, right now", my best friend Athira said this out loud.
"Whaaaaat? Viyaan is waiting? You couldn't have told this to me before? Bitch, I hate you", saying this I threw a pillow right at her face. I saw my phone. It had seven miss calls from him and a bunch of messages too.
I am Mannat Rajvansh, a 19 year old crazy soul who loved and enjoyed life to the fullest. I'm in second year of Computer Engineering at Delhi College of Engineering. Athira and Viyaan are my life supports. Athira, my best friend is like my long lost twin. We are inseparable since the first day of college. And Viyaan had been with me since the past four years. Luckily we both ended up being in the same city for college. And that guy, even after such a long time never fails to make me fall for him all over again.
Knowing that my love, my Viyaan had been waiting for me, I got up and got ready in fifteen minutes.
I consider myself lucky enough. I had superb parents, back in Ajmer. My dad was one of the most powerful businessman of the state. And Viyaan's dad had been his good friend. And me and Viyaan, we're soul-mates. My mom and dad never said no to anything. They always treated me like a princess. My grandmother took care of me always and inculcated all the good habits I had. God had bestowed upon me the best of people in every walk of life.
I guess blessed would be a better term than lucky.
Viyaan was waiting for me near the college gate. We walked hand in hand to a nearby restaurant. He kissed my cheeks and the colour of my face changed to crimson red. We sat down and started talking. I wonder how could someone be so perfect. He was amazing at everything, literally everything he did. He couldn't stand tears in my eyes. And the way he surprised me every now and then, I can't thank him enough for that.
I was turning 20 in another week. So I asked him, "Viyaan, my birthday is coming up. What are you planning to do baby?"
He smirked and said, "Is it? I totally forgot it. Shit. I got loads to do. Thankyou for reminding me Mannat."
"Stop that drama, would you? Don't I know you? You must have planned out something." And I stuffed some pranthas in my mouth.
We got up to go to our colleges and he gave me a tight hug when he left me at my college and said, "Have a good day baby. I love you."
And I saw him going away. I loved every minute detail about him.
I went back to my hostel room to pick my bag. Yeah, my hostel room. Mom dad wanted me learn how hostel life is. So they didn't let me live in the apartment we had here in Delhi. But I'm glad they took this decision because I found my other half, my Athira here. I picked up my bag, locked up the room and joined Athira at one of our classes.
Boring lectures as usual!
I really don't know how I manage to score well because while I'm in the class, I feel drowsy all the time. It's like the amount of stuff said in the class was directly proportional to my sleep.
Meanwhile the professor was constantly barking about some micro processor and stuff, my phone started buzzing. The name in the caller id brought a huge smile on my face. It was Mum. It had been days we've had a long conversation and I was really missing home.
I opened up my Whatsapp and sent her a text, "Mumma, I really miss you. In my class right now. If I talk, this bald crazy professor will throw me out. I'll call you later. I love you."
I saw her picture. She was beautiful, way beautiful than me. And somebody who didn't know her, won't believe she had a nineteen year old daughter.
"Alright baby. Call me when you get free." She texted back. And I imagined her smiling, reading my messages.
I shoved my phone into my bag and tried to pay some attention to that boring lecture going on.
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A Different Rain

The morning sun wasn't glistening today, just like yesterday. The dark grey clouds had covered the entire city. Under the covers of darkness, different people had different perspective towards life. Each had held captive, inside their hearts, a different desire. The rain was washing away the pain of the city, everyday. Early monsoon had arrived. The pain which was held deep inside got a medium to flow out. Most of the people had become slaves of the emotions they had locked up inside them.  People were waiting for the day's showers to commence while some of them had some wishes fluttering inside their hearts, the ones they wanted the rain to fulfill.

A little boy who was poverty ridden wanted the rain to bring him happiness. He wanted it to wash away the dark and sinful life of the slums he had been living in. He wanted freedom but the lead sky of the slums brought him back to reality. He could see his life mocking at him.
 A teenage girl wished to see her secret crush in this rain. She wanted to cherish the lovely weather just by getting a glimpse of the guy who made her cheeks pink. She felt like telling the world that she was crazy for him. While a young man became nostalgic, remembering the memories of his beloved, he wanted the rain to quench the pain he had been ignoring since long. He was regretting every decision he took, back then. A grim realisation dawned upon him, he wanted her back. But all he got was, a mere essence of her in the falling rain.

 A married couple looked into each other's eyes, going back to the time they were madly in love, they remembered how they kissed each other under the falling rain back then. Just like two teenagers crazily drowned in emotions,  they made love. They selflessly surrendered themselves to the sea of emotions rising up inside them and let love overpower them.
A lady wiping tears from her eyes was missing how carefree she used to be before her marriage. She was her father's Princess and now it felt as if she was just a servant in her house and not a married woman. Love and respect were replaced by household chores and abuses. That princess was now an abused and dejected woman torn apart by harsh reality.
       An old man walked slowly towards his house, wishing to get his solace, to reach a place where his wife had gone three years back. A whirlpool of loneliness had engulfed him and his only escape was The Greater Perhaps. And he was waiting for the whirlpool to end, to reach its epicenter, where you only get silent destruction in a peaceful way. .

And the first drop of the rain of that day, fell. Some just get wet while others actually feel the rain, as the saying goes. Just like that, each one of them wished for their own miracle. They wished that their desires, the ones they had been holding on to since long should now meet their ends with this rain. This rain surely was different.